hey it's nealry christmas!

only just realised, yes, sorry, i'm slow, christmas is relaxed here.

so i've just got back form a weekend away in Geraldton, we went down to Kate and Michaels house (where we were saying) and we went out on Michaels boat for a bit, but then (for the first time) i started feeling sea sick, and so did Kate, so they took us back and Kate, Joe and myself sat on the jetty waiting for them to come back, then they did and we went home. the next day Michael left for work (mines, so he was gone for 4 days) and Joe and Dad went out on the boat again, and me and Kate went to the beach and had a little swim then went back and watched films all day :). then in the evening we went to Bucks 40th (the reason we went down) and had a really really good time, it was 80s themed but we just went in normal clothes. i met two really great guys, Ben and Shaun. Ben, who is in his 20s i think, was dressed in blue jeans, studded belt, sleeveless top, a mullet wig and sunglasses, he put a bandanna on my head and called me karate kid for the rest of the night, talked to me about red wine being an aphrodisiac, danced with me a little and gave me a shoulder massage. then Shaun, he was dressed in black skinnies, a black vest, and big Doc Martins, he was an awful dancer but so funny, obsessed with Cockneys and Guy Ritchie films (Snatch etc.), told us to keep talking to him because he loved our accent, told me i was more like a mature Aussie 20 year old, paid me a compliment which was: 'you're a very very attractive young woman, and i'm a married man, but you're very attractive, and if i wasn't married...' i stopped him there lol. unfortunately there were 3 fights, but it was good, and i didn't want to leave but we did then we went home. we all woke up hungover, well Joe was still drunk, i had food posioning and a hangover, but we went into town and had a walk baout, then we went to the beach then back home were we met Terry and Jackie and there kids. then we left the next day, met up with Buck and Ben who gave us ten crayfish for christmas, and hopefully, we should all be going on a fishing trip to some islands!

but thats about it really, i would say more but i'm lazy. i doubt i'll post before christmas but i hope you all have a really really good day and i hope Santa brings you what you want :)
i'm going to be in the heat eating Snapper and Crayfish :D
OH, i have a tan, big news, and my knees are now vair vair freckley :P
anyhoo, i'm hungry and thirsty, so i should probably make some breakfast,
BYEEE MISS YOU XXXXX

AUSTRALIAAAAA

it's 2.16 in the afternoon and the temperature is 26 degrees, clear blue skies all the way, and it's set to reatch the 30s later on this week ;)

Singapore airport is AMAZING, i mean it has a butterfly garden and a pond with humungous fish inside the airport :O!

i was really good on the plain jourey(s) this time, i ate two whole meals :D and i didn't throw any of it up, *feels proud*

i've already been out on my dads new boat, he let me drive it and i floored it, apparantly i've hurt joes back, but whatever, he shouldn't be such a girl.

i'm supposed to be typing up my c/w, but dads trial on word has finished so i can't do anything :( speaking of dad he should've been back by now, which means he is most likely at the pub, bummer.

we had a bbq yesterday, ummmm, it was yummy! then Brandon but a cigarette in Baby's (the parrot) mouth, which was quite entertaining :P

I've just signed onto msn, and NO ONE is online. suppose i should've gone on earlier, cause everyone back home is zzzz-ing now, i did fancy a chin-wag though :P

anyway, need to try and sort this word thing out,

BYEEEE

Ruby xx

assessment points

i hope you're pleased with yours,
mine goes:
English Lit - C
Psychology - D (but i know why and if i'd done the work properly it'd most likely of been a B)
Religious Stuides - B
Sociology - B

:) pretty happy with them

right at the moment i'm backing up the files on my laptop so they can fix it, and i've just realised how much music and how many photos i have :/
it's taken 5 discs to back up my music, 1 disc to back up my school work, and i've got to attempt to use the other 4 discs to back up my pictures, i highly doubt they will all go on.

i have a new camera!!! it's an olympus x-42 and cost me like £62 from argos :D it's pretty good and it'll do me for aus

went to the doctors today, and i have to go back on regular (one in the morning and one at night) seretide :( and i have ventolin for when i need it. and i had a flu jab, sometime i really hate being asthmatic.
on the plus side my BMI is still perfect :)

Ruby xx

finally

i'm actually getting better, just a slight cough left! woooooo!

so this half term has been a slight fail, first off i did end up going to that party, as soon as i got there i started to feel really ill and kept trying to get my mum to pick me up but i ended up staying til 11.30 with T. wasn't the best, i hate being the sober one at parties, i ended up looking after T all night who foolishly had a bit too much weed and kept chucking up, lovely. then there was K who had been in the hot box room but had also drank a lot of malibu and vodka, and B who had about 6 spliffs to himself. i was glad to leave in all honestly. (i am sort of glad i went otherwise T would have been in JBs care, so she would have seriously been fucked)

so i ended up living a Ts for two days, and i never left the house in that time so when i went home on wednesday it was weird lol. and with all the days i've had left i've been playing The Urbz (don't laugh, it gets addictive) so homework will be done tomorrow, well all the homework for monday will be (psychology, sociology and english lit), then monday night i will do my essay for tuesday and then psychology for wednesday and my other essay for friday.

41 days until i leave for Australia, actually quite excited. i need to buy a bikini (shock!!!) only because i actually want a tan. and i'm buying all the christmas presents here and taking them over, then only taking a bit of money, cause i'm going to give everyone here their presents before i go. WOOO :D

Ruby xx

not going

to the party on monday night

i am so ill, i can't even put it into words, it's like a super bad cold mixed with tonsilitus with nausea put on top. and everything, i mean everything, hurts and aches, and i keep going dizzy :(
i've just been sick, feel like i might be again.
and i know this sounds geeky but i really wanted to be able to do some really high standard homework this week, but now i can't

ughhhh i want to curl up into a ball and die

:( covonia sucks

i'm ill, it sucks, plus there's a party on monday night and i'm not sure if i'm going to be better by then.

and do i stay over with B at Js house where i've never been before, or do i go home with T and JB and walk to my house from there?

i'll probably stay but it means catching the bus to my nans in the morning when i'm hungover, hmmm



i got an A in my sociology test :D and another B in my RE essay, i'm really thinking of taking sociology at uni, Miss K says i'm one of the best in her class and i have the ability to get an A in it, woooo :) Psychology is not what i expected though, i'm only enjoying Skubs lessons hmmm, and English Lit sucks right now i totally regret taking it tbh.



About 6 weeks til Australia, getting excited now.. :D

Going to see Up in a bit, more excitement



Ruby xx

Guilty Pleasures

Idea stolen off Jordan and Greenpanda

Numero One: Dancing to music around my house in a t-shirt and pants, usually to trashy rock/pop music that all have same beat

Two: Taking stupid pointless quizzes on facebook.

Three: Heels, if i wasn't so tall i'd wear them all the time

Four: Red lipstick, just timelessly sexy

Five: Really long, hot showers

Six: Films with guns and hit men, i have a thing for a bit of action every now and then

Seven: Burning paper, i have no idea what it is about it, i just love doing it and i love the smell

Eight: Homemade cookies and pomegranate ice cream

Nine: Walking with my hood/umberella down when it's raining heavily

Ten: Guys with loads of tattoos and big arms

is alone, completely alone, and she feels it.

Hi guys,
I should really try and post regulary, it's just my life is so intensely boring right now.

So, not really sure what I'm going to post about, just the general I suppose, here goes:
I'll start with school; I'm enjoying all my lessons, work is building up though, and I'm really getting fustrated with myself about Psych work because I just can't seem to understand it (which is not good when you want to be a psychologist) and i really want to get As in everything but right now I really don't think i'll be able to :(. I have a meeting tomorrow, I hope i don't cry like last time, although i have break after this on so it's ok.
Work; s'ok, had a few funny days last week and it's been ok so far this week. I just want to get paid again :P, actually that reminds me I need to check how much is in my bank account.
Friends/Social life (or lack of); things are good, B, T and me all hung out t'other night and it was fun :). AJ and me lost our rags at each other yesterday, I found it quite funny, but no hard feelings :). Haven't seen G-man in a while though, spoke to him yesterday, he's taking his theory tomorrow! (so good luck to him)

Boys are confusing, I wish he could just tell me straight how he feels, I think it's fairly obvious how I feel about him.

Really loving Paramore's new album! Misguided Ghosts gives me goosebumps.

Anyway, short post, sorry, hope you're all good
Ruby xx

just a quick blog

Just an update really,
so school is going ok, trying to keep on top of all my work is proving a little difficult but i'm getting there.
i've been chosen as one of the student reps for RE, YAAAAY (i do not care how sad that sounds, i love RE). I also helped them out on open evening, and i have to say, i did a pretty ace job :P

ummm, friend wise everything is ok. missing G though, seeing him tomorrow for his birthday!
had a meeting with someone the other day, it was good,made me cry, but it's made me think.
and i need to tell someone something but i ended up doing the thing i said i wasn't going to do D: but i will tell them next time we speak. also trying out talking to him again, it's going well, because this time it really is a just a friendship level and i'm not expecting anything of it. need to talk to T and AJ about it, but they seem to have dissapeared! i will see them tomorrow anyway.


my mum keeps coming in and out of my room asking for my opinion on her outfit, has she not seen the way i dress?!
and to borrow my make-up and straightners, in some ways my mum is like having a sister. I am so glad i have an older brother.

anyhoo, hope everyone is well
Ruby xx

just to let you know

Toby was put to sleep today, at 10.43 this morning. He went quickly and peacefully. Lucy is ok, but is not quite herself.

Toby is buried in our back garden, and we have all planted a plant next to his grave, we have also tied his dog tags to out magnolia tree next to the grave. He will truely be missed by myself, my mum, brother, nan and Lucy. He was odd dog, but he was ours. And i'll miss the way he used to bounce when he barked, the way he sat with his front paws pointing outwards, when he used to 'fetch' the mail (really he just chewed it up), the way he always went to his bed at 7, the wonder of how he learned to turn the radiator on, they way he just looked at you so intensely but he had one ear sticking up and the other down, the way his tongue poked out, his love for sunday roasts, and how he actually looked like he was smiling when he was running around the fields.

Rest In Peace Tobes, I hope you get all the sunday roast you want now :)

Love Ruby xxxxx

:(

Toby (my elder dog) is so ill.

He has arthirtis, which we've known for some months now (and blogged about?) and we thought he'd gotten better. But, today he could barely walk and he kept falling over, so my Nan and brother took him to the vets where they gave him an injection to numb the pain for a bit and some tablets for the next couple of weeks. We brought him home and he seemed fine, until about 3 hours ago when he had a fit. My mum rang the vets and they said to bring him to the vets as soon as possible, so my brother and mum took him while i stayed at home to look after Lucy (our other dog). Lucy was distressed after being left alone all day without Toby. Mum and Joe came home, Toby had had another fit at the vets. The possible causes are either epilepsey or a tumor. He now has even more medication and cannot move. So now he's stuck in his basket whimpering and crying and having mini fits and about 2 hours ago another big fit. And i don't know if any of you have seen a loved one or pet having a fit, but it has to be one of the most distressing and upsetting things ever to witness. I can't begin to explain it. I don't really know what i'm doing, i'm trying to do work but all the words start to blur. I'm not going to be able to concentrate tomorrow, and i keep getting massive headaches.

Sorry for being depressive,
Ruby xx

pearl harbour sucked and i still miss you

i just watched Team America <3

sorry to anyone that actually reads my blog, i don't post regulary.

I need to lose some weight! it's got really bad, my stomach actually sticks out now, like properly :( i'll have to get back into my old routine.

after being told it's be sorted by the time i get back to school, and then coming back and having to wait a week, i'm finally in a Sociology class! it was really getting me down but now i'm happy and i can settle in properly.
i can't really think of anything else i've been doing, i bought a few things this weekend, a new bag, which i absolutely adore but i know someone else has it so i don't know what to do, a new vest from zara which is lovely, one new shirt also from zara, a patterned top and a long grey cardigan, so slowly but surely i am re-doing my whole wardrobe, i just need to get paid!

which brings me onto my job, it's going really well. i work with N and i clean L-Block, so if you take english don't you dare mess up the rooms! i enjoy it actually, N and i have our own system so we get it done quite quickly. i don't work modays anymore though, i thought maybe i'd do mondays again after i come back from Australia.
So yes, i am spending christmas in Australia, the whole of december. I don't know whether to be happy about it, which makes me sound like an ungrateful bitch, and i'm sure your all slightly jealous of it (in a non big headed way) but everytime i go, it sucks. there is always a massive arguement and everyone falls out and someone usually gets physically hurt. but i'm trying to stay positive, i haven't had a christmas with my dad for about 3 maybe even 4 years now.

anyhoo, i hope everyone is enjoying sixth form :)
Ruby xx

never again

i went to a tent party last night, and it was an ok night, but i'm never going it again.
for one it was fucking freezing, secondly me and B were about to fall asleep and then in came T and J (bare it in mind that it's about 4ish in the morning) and wouldn't get out, or shut up, or go get there own sleeping bags! so me and B had to share his, and i was just shivering all the time :( then J wakes me and B up by going "GOOD MORNING" and me forgetting where i was turned over, moaned then curled up into a ball and hid under the sleeping bag. it was 6 o'clock in the morning. i got 2 hours of freezing sleep last night(this morning).
But apart from that it was a quite good night, T was very very drunk, quite funny actually. she was handed a can of Carling and leaned onto J and declared loudly "I'm drinking Carlingssss" and she kept calling it that. then she kept asking where her sister was, and we all went "she's not here" and she went "good, good, good." then anytime i went off without telling her where i was going, or she forgot where i went she went screaming round the tents "WHERE'S RUBY? I NEED RUBY WHERE IS SHE?" but to be honest she doesn't get drunk all that much and i told that tonight she could and i'd look after her.

But yeh, it was a good night but i'm not doing it again.



i finally stood my ground with him, i told him what he did to me, playing around with my emotions and messing me about, i didn't deserve any of it. and that i'm going to find someone who actually loves me and who deserves me. he took great offence, and tbh i hope he went and cried or something because he has made me cry over and over. i still love him, of course, but hopefully i'll start to get over him soon. but right now i'm just focusing on school, work and my friends and that's how i want it to be for a while. but yeh i feel good that i finally told him where to go :)

Hope everyone is well
Ruby xx

good night great company

Hello fellow bloggers,

So last night i went to my friends engagement party and i have to say it was a rather excellent night, better than i expected!

didn't get the dress in the end :( got a nice outfit though, the photo doesn't do it justice!

Had an really great time, dancing, drinking and laughing all night.

Oh and seeing as i didn't blog about my results, i got:

English Lang - B

History - B

RE - B

Drama - B

Maths - C

French - C

Science Add - C

Science - C

English Lit - C

Graphics - C

which compared to all of you guys seems rubbish :P but i'm quite happy with them.

i'm letting my nails grow and it's going well, for once.

but yeh, all is well in everything atm :)

Cheers,

Ruby xx

help

so on the 29th i'm going to my friends engagement party, i've picked out the new dress i want to buy;

well, if i do well in my results i'll get it. but anyway, that dress, with opaque black tights, and black patent heels. that sounds ok, right?

only thing is, i don't know how to wear my make up or hair, so any suggestions? i need to look old enough to get served :P

anyway, i haven't blogged in yonks, but as usual nothing much has been happening, but here goes.

i went on holiday, it was ok-ish.

catched up with lizzie because we hadn't seen each other in a month.

bought 2 new tops, a scarf, leggins and some black pumps.

bought a new bag for school.

read a really excellent book called The Perks Of Being A Wallflower, which is a total recommendation, completely fantastic.

got a job! finally. i'm one of the student cleaners at the school, and it's pretty ace pay, but i'm saving £26 of it a week to go towards my Europe trip with M, which leaves me with £10 plus £10 EMA but i'm giving £5 to my mum a week. So it leaves me with £15 to spend on clothes, drinks, CDs, DVDs and Empire, i don't know how i'll survive!

hung out with C yesterday, had a minor break down about results, but he calmed me down and told me that even if i don't do well it isn't the end of the world, i'm still not totally convinced.

then today i have sorted out my clothes, and i have filled 6 and half black bin bags, and i still have loads and loads of clothes :(

so that's what has been going on since i last blogged :)

Ruby xx

being absorbed

i don't blog much, the reason? i seriously have no life.
saw C on wednesday, the weather was so awful! bought some face wipes, hair bobbles and a new toothbrush for my holiday. then we went and had a drink. then we went back to his house (which i've never been too and it's absolutely beaute!) sat and watched tv while my hair went from straight to ringlets. then i got so comfortable i nearly fell asleep on his sofa :$, i felt so awful.
anyhoo when i got home i went to Loughborough for 2 days to visit my nan and pops. it was ok, mainly looked after my cousin, who is such a cutie but sometimes too overwhelming!
now i'm home and i've packed for bournemouth, can't wait to get away. no internet and no phone, bliss. i hope it's sunny. i'm actually quite excited, weird. oh and i'm definately going to Australia for christmas. it's so weird, here at home we hardly argue and everyone gets on really well, we're a unit. but over there! there is always fighting and dramas happening, it's exhausting just to watch! but, i'm so lucky to be able to go there frequently i suppose.
T is home on sunday, but i'm not here :'( i miss her and her odd ways.

you know what i need? A MAN.
you heard, fed up of trying to please everyone and sorting out their problems, i want someone to take care of me for a change!
my love life is tres difficile still though.

Ruby xx

i haven't posted in a while

and i'm only doing it because i'm slightly drunk and watching ugly betty.

so life has been rather boring atm
though stuff with him is going well, i think :)
and i have a new lipstick (i know, lipstick how old? but frankly i like it better than lipgloss) and i love the colour, it's a gorgeous pink!
found a really cute dress and a pair of ankle boots that's look so cute with my blazer and a pair of long(ish) patterned socks, so i'm going to get some money and buy them :D

anyway, i don't really know what to say
GOODBYE LOVERRRRRRRRRS
xxx

well fucking done

i really know how to ruin everything.
WHY CAN'T I JUST EXCEPT THINGS THE WAY THEY ARE?!?!?!?!
jesus, i am so incredibly selfish.
and i am so much like my dad.

ello

my birthday was yesterday :)
it was a lovely day, and saturday was excellent aswell, The Hangover i recommend you see it!

today i went into Harb for two reasons:

• one, to buy some sequins. for my birthday i was given a large empty glass jar (odd i know). i felt that the jar had to be filled with something and instantly in my head popped up 'sequins' (someone once told me that sequins represented me, sparkley and stick to people). plus sequins bring me happiness, i don't know why, but for me what could be better than a jar full of sequins? i found some i liked anyway, but forgot to buy them.
• two, to meet up with C. it was actually a really lovely day, he attempted to buy me and drink but i wouldn't let him so i put the money in his pocket :). but basically we just wandered round looking for sequins, it was fairly pointless, but nice all the same. and i bought him some grapes and fed them to him, and i kept skipping and walking around on my tip toes, i need to sort myself out. then we caught the bus into lutterworth.

then we were waiting for C's dad and when he finally came it was pissing it down and i had to walk to my nans in the thunder and pouring rain! but nan let me have a hot shower and gave me dry clothes to change into and fed me :) my nan's a hero. and i had a nap, i was so shattered. then mummy came to pick me up, and here i am!

Ruby xx

rolling in on 6th

which is my birthday :)
i'm feeling a little more positive about it now except for on my actual birthday (the monday) i will be all on my lonesome (except for when everyone gets home and we go out for a meal at Zizzi's), maybe i'll ring mia...what time does she get back from france?i'll try tomorrow

bought a dress and some sandals todaaay, and they're lovely
and i bought a BIKINI :O
absolute shocker, my aim is to tone up and loose weight so that i look devine in it ready for Aussie at christmas time.

got three blisters from my shoes today, my feet hurt.

anyhoo, should i post that letter? or send an email instead? hmmm...
Ruby xxx

because aidan said it was unacceptable to have two posts titled ':/'

my brother is so annoying.

anyway, sixth form is going to be great! really enjoyed the three induction days.
first of all, form with T
psychology with T, G and W
media with BD and DT
english lit with Greenpanda, S, M, P, R and H
so all in all it's pretty legendary!

listening to BD and U on the radio, bloomin' weirdos.

Ruby xx

:/

really think i should book myself into the doctors sometime soon, all these headaches, blacking out and odd sleeping and eating patterns need to be seen to.

anyway, it's nine days until my birthday, my dad rang today, he's sending me a gold cross avec chain which is more than what my brother has got in three years, and he was 18 last year. my dad is a cock, it has to be said.

damn, i'm hungry again, felt like i was going to throw up through dinner, this is pissing me off, and i have another headache!!! i bet if i get up i'll black out.

oh and can i just say, please will some people shut up about my choice of language (cursing). we're all grown up, get over it, it doesn't make any difference if i put f*ck, you still know what it means so why put an asterisk when i can just put the letter? sorry, just felt like i needed to highlight the point.

Ruby xx

prom

actually wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.
my hair went really crap at the end though :(
and how hot was it in there?!?!?!
well i had fun anyway, it was good!
i still have gregs tie...

Ruby xx

hair cut later

not sure how to have it, thinking a bit like this?...

(maybe a little shorter)what do you think?

Ruby xxx

currrrly hair

today was niiice :)

exams over, so so happy, i can finally sleep better! and my form isn't too bad, i'm with T, you would've thought they'd realise to seperate us :P nah it's good, we've just got to be all sociable.
prom tomorrow, a little excited, but over all i'm not, but it's the last time we're all going to be together.

anyhoo, i have nothing to post about really
Ruby xx

a bottle? don't bother

"There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I'd go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison... death... didn't matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that's what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin' Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn't die. I really really hoped I wouldn't die."

In Bruges a truly amazing film.

so these past couple of days i have done nothing at all :/
it's really sucked, i just want something to do!!
presentation evening tomorrow, what is the point? a whole big thing about getting a certificate
then my last exam! woooooo! cannot wait for it to end, but then there is the big long wait for the results.
and finally prom, which i don't know if i'm excited about or not. but i've got everything now and greg has bought champagne, so i'm going :P

two weeks until my birthday, unsure on what to do if anything, any ideas?
then it's my aunties wedding!!!! so excited (more excited for the party afterwards)
then blissful summer holidays, which i plan to spend hanging around with people i don't usually do :)
and bournemouth, going to learn how to surf, joys...
the ending summer with a tent party :D
i'm feeling happier already.

Ruby xx

transformers :D

most excellent film! total must see
today has been gooooood

last exam on wednesday, joys joys joys!! really can't wait for it to be over
then it is prom, i'm a little excited, i think, i just want this fall out thing to be sorted, but i've apologised what else can i do?

i want a giraffe :D
anyhoo i'm off for a shower
Ruby xx

one exam left

lovely! :)

after my exam went to morroways with my nan and i bought bagels, cream cheese, normal cheese, popcorn, cocktail sausages, coke, a chocolate bar, Role Models and Pineapple Express :D
came home and watched Roles Models and Pineapple Express, eating the popcorn and cocktail sausages with my brother :)

i dislike my brother sometimes.

Ruby xx

headaches

keep getting them, silly lack of sleep and stress.

bought the final items to complete my prom outfit, finally. i put it all on when i got home, looks good :)
i want some candy floss big time.

anyway, this is short and pointless
Ruby xx

i want to go to the cinema

i bought some stuff today (well my nan did)

One black short dress, top half a black and white stripe tee, then prom esque dress over with pleats on the skirt bit, i'd show you a picture but i can't find any :(

Then a black blazer :

And some black patent heels for prom and my aunties wedding:

not the exact shoes, but they look like that basically.

so happy days :)

Ruby xx

hi, my name is ruby and i'm fucked up.

no matter how hard i try to do what i think is the right thing, i always screw up don't i?
i'm such a classic Hart, a lot more like my dad than i thought i was, god bless genetics.

so, an apology (the person knows who it is for)
I'm Sorry, i thought i was doing the right thing, not telling you meant not hurting you, but i was wrong. i'll do anything to make it better, anything you want, i can't lose you too you mean too much to me. there is another reason i don't know whether telling you will be good, but you want honesty, i'm not going to say it on here though. we need to talk, please.

Ruby xx

ah things seem better

not sure whether i'm doing the right thing though, but at least i've been honest and now he knows. i've missed him, i really bloody have.
so all remains to be seen whether that works out...

i just had a cornetto, nice (Y)

alan carr chatty man tonight, WOOOO! i love alan carr. i've really been enjoying comedy at the moment.

Ruby xx

i caved

damn
but then maybe it's good?
fuck
oh just be honest
what am i doing?
fuck

another boring day

i didn't do much, again.

my mum actually hugged me today :S, she said she was worried because i don't seem to go out that much anymore, she's weird.

i did all the ironing today, despite the pain. mum got in and asked if nan had been round, and i said no i had done it all and she wouldn't believe me until my brother told her that i had actually done it! it's like, y'know mum i can actually iron, jeez.

missing him and i know that i shouldn't, but god it's hard not to.

Ruby xx

i don't need no good advice, i'm already wasted

my brother is shouting at his play station, again.
when will he realise that it can't hear him?!

i'm really glad i decided to get rid of him, i've been feeling a lot better about it. sure i still think about him, but not nearly as much :)

really glad my friends have been there for me, even after i was a complete bitch to some of them, so LOVE to all of them.

dinner :D:D:D
Ruby xx

will you keep me in mind?

You Me At Six, legends!

i have no money, at all, yet i still have to pay for the limo and jewellery, my dad had better send the money or i'm going to get really pissed off.
need a job, but maybe i should turn 16 first.

i'm really really hungry

this is a pointless post to say the least
hope everyone is good

Ruby xx

oh dear

Toby has arthritis :(
he's been given pain killers, and has to have gentle exercise and has to go back to the vets next week.
I hope it helps him!

anyway, i've finally made my decisions on both the things i mentioned earlier. so feeling better about knowing what to do.

Short post :)
Ruby xx

random midday post

i think i should learn to sleep, or at least invest in a pair of dark cutains that keep the sun out.
woke up with a cut on my neck, proof that last nights sleep was troubled. i hate that, when i have a crap nights sleep, i wake up with cuts from where i've been scratching myself :/

read Zoo Sation this monring, excellent book, recommended for anyway who is interested in before the start of the Second World War, when the Nazis were first putting in the rules against Jews. It's about a english journalist (living and working in Berlin), John Russel, and what he does during those time. actually quite exciting.

also read The Luminous Life of Lilly Aphrodite yesterday morning, another great read. And i also recommend it, based in Berlin again. Lilly is an orphan, it's about her growing up, in the same times as Zoo Station, she becomes an actress, it's really interesting!

i'm not very good at book reviews :P

not doing much today, mums making lunch, might clean my room later, got to take Toby (my elder dog) to the vet at four. Something is not right with him, he walks around with his head down low, it takes him at least 3 minutes to get up the stairs, he takes a while to get up curbs and sit down. And, to anyone who has seen Toby off his lead on a walk, he doesn't run around anymore, infact he just plods along really slowly, eating grass. I am worried about him, we've not had them that long, but i cannot imagine life without them, they really are full of character, Toby with his duck feet, lack of teeth and major love for food, and little Lucy who has random fits of hyperness which involves her running around, throwing her biscuits and running after them, and her excellent meercat impression. sigh, i hope everything is alright.

Ruby xx

good/bad day

unsure on how to feel.

well (i'll just refer to her as a letter) T forgave me, but said we won't be friends like we used to. i know this sounds horrid but for gods sakes, it was all done subconsciously!, she knows what i'm like, but yeh i should have paid more attention to what i was doing. but because of some stupid comments she has now thrown away what could've been a really good relationship.

talking to D we spoke about stuff, but now i'm left in a tizz, do i want a relationship? or right now do i just need a friend? i hate not knowing what to do. but he really did cheer me up, when we spoke about H (aha all these letters for different people) and i finally realised that H is a complete, sorry for the language, cunt. and we had a bitch about him and i felt a bit better.

then D went, and H started talking to me, we've spoken a bit but i just couldn't be arsed to talk to him, shall i just wipe him from everything (msn, facebook, mobile, mind)? what do you think?

anyhoo, i found a really nice jumper i'm actually going to buy! shocker.
have to buy lots of prom stuff too, not sure i even want to go.
birthday soon, fucking wonderful.

Ruby xx

can't stop this feeling

FUCK.
why can't i just get into a normal relationship where i'm not the dirty secret, or where i don't get totally mashed and snog a guy that i'm not even attracted to?
uuuuugh, screw boys and screw friends who just want to create a drama.
and another thing he told me i was incredible, beautiful, sexy, intelligent etc. and y'know, for once in my life i was starting to believe it. i told him all about me, i really let him in, i told him how i didn't want to get close to him because i know he'd just leave, but he told me he wouldn't that i was too amazing to be given up on. he promised me that we'd know each other forever that we'd live together, that we would BE together.
and now? we don't talk, he always you used to talk to me, now i have to start it off, and even when i do, he doesn't really talk. why? why? and why?
jesus christ i think i've had my heart broken twice in the space of, what? 4 months.
Fuck It.

really exhausted

it may sound like an exaggeration, but i can assure you it isn't. i have had about 20 hours of sleep this week, i feel awful.

went to order are faimly photo thing today, picked two really nice photos :) cost a bomb though! and the guy was so annoying, and he sounded a lot like Gok Wan.
we went to nans afterwards and had a fry up, then mum told me we'll go home so i could put my pjs on and get into bed, i love my mum :)
so i've spent the day curled up in bed, listening to the radio and playing Sims Appartment Life like the cool kid i am :P
going to make dinner in a bit, then i might start a new book, either Zoo Station which is about life during the Second World War, or i could start The Luminous Life of Lilly Aphrodit which is about the life of Lilly Nelly Aprodite, orphaned daughter of a cabaret dancer. both sound good

big clear out of my room tomorrow and graphics revision, the joys.

Ruby xx

i know it's early

RE exam today, really dreading it. i need to do well in it.

someone give me lots of money, pretty please.
i want to buy the sims 3, which looks AWESOME!

right well i am tired, but RE revision is calling...

Ruby xx

exhausted

exams today weren't too bad, RE tomorrow.

just so tired with it all, can't wait for summer.
stir-fry for dinner tonight :D happy days, bought a new top today too :)

got to buy prom jewellery and shoes, looked a bit today and found a really nice ring and some really nice earrings but can't find any nice black patent shoes though, they all look like stripper shoes.

so kiddos it's my birthday in about a month, another year of dissapointment.
to get my own back i'm not wishing my dad a happy fathers day, cause frankly he doesn't deserve it.

Ruby xx

bad day

2 hour history exam, failed.
35 minutes french listening exam foundation tier, failed.
1 hour french reading exam higher tier, failed.
so all in all, a very crap day.

Kind of happy about tomorrow because it's the english exam, and i'm ok at them, and i'm not too bad at the science exam.

cannot stop thinking about him, really wish i could stop feeling like this.

*sigh*
Ruby xx

last of the sunshine,

apparntly, tomorrow will be 'sunny intervals' and thursday will be totally cloudy :(
but i guess it's ok seeing as i'm in school, pretty much, all day on those days.

english exam today was ok, although paper 1 is my worst one, i just can never do it!!
dreading tomorrow, history for 2 hours, then i have two french exams each an hour long :/

but today was very nice, again, spent the afternoon with the best friend in the sun again, and just chatted loads and met up with a lot of people :)

so i'm having a BBQ for dinner avec beer, so it'll be nice to chill out a bit before tomorrow.

anyway, love to all :)
Ruby xx

no more maths!!

ah today is a happy day for all :)
first of all, no more maths, thank the lord!!!
second, i spent the afternoon sun soaking with my best friend and we had a really good catch up.
and i finally know what i've got to do about HIM, it might take a while for the plan to be able to take place, but i'm just gonna do it i've got nothing to loose, right?
well whatever i'm just going to do it. because then i'll know, i think, my mind is all over the place, silly boys.

anyhoo, 2nd post :)
Ruby xx

Right,

So, I'm new to all this, and basically i'm just testing it all out.
I've been wanting to try out a blog for a while, finally decided to do it when i read a couple of my friends blogs and thought "y'know i think i could do this, plus i can have a right ol' radge on here" which is probably not the right reason to start up a blog, but it's the only one i've got.

So i s'pose i should 'introduce myself' well, i'm Ruby, female and very nearly 16 :) thats about all you need to know. I'm not the greatest speller, and i'm not that good at writing and choosing the right words -i'm regretting this decision already- but i'll try my best.

This is it then, my first post :)
Ruby xx