:/

really think i should book myself into the doctors sometime soon, all these headaches, blacking out and odd sleeping and eating patterns need to be seen to.

anyway, it's nine days until my birthday, my dad rang today, he's sending me a gold cross avec chain which is more than what my brother has got in three years, and he was 18 last year. my dad is a cock, it has to be said.

damn, i'm hungry again, felt like i was going to throw up through dinner, this is pissing me off, and i have another headache!!! i bet if i get up i'll black out.

oh and can i just say, please will some people shut up about my choice of language (cursing). we're all grown up, get over it, it doesn't make any difference if i put f*ck, you still know what it means so why put an asterisk when i can just put the letter? sorry, just felt like i needed to highlight the point.

Ruby xx

prom

actually wasn't as bad as i thought it would be.
my hair went really crap at the end though :(
and how hot was it in there?!?!?!
well i had fun anyway, it was good!
i still have gregs tie...

Ruby xx

hair cut later

not sure how to have it, thinking a bit like this?...

(maybe a little shorter)what do you think?

Ruby xxx

currrrly hair

today was niiice :)

exams over, so so happy, i can finally sleep better! and my form isn't too bad, i'm with T, you would've thought they'd realise to seperate us :P nah it's good, we've just got to be all sociable.
prom tomorrow, a little excited, but over all i'm not, but it's the last time we're all going to be together.

anyhoo, i have nothing to post about really
Ruby xx

a bottle? don't bother

"There's a Christmas tree somewhere in London with a bunch of presents underneath it that'll never be opened. And I thought, if I survive all of this, I'd go to that house, apologize to the mother there, and accept whatever punishment she chose for me. Prison... death... didn't matter. Because at least in prison and at least in death, you know, I wouldn't be in fuckin' Bruges. But then, like a flash, it came to me. And I realized, fuck man, maybe that's what hell is: the entire rest of eternity spent in fuckin' Bruges. And I really really hoped I wouldn't die. I really really hoped I wouldn't die."

In Bruges a truly amazing film.

so these past couple of days i have done nothing at all :/
it's really sucked, i just want something to do!!
presentation evening tomorrow, what is the point? a whole big thing about getting a certificate
then my last exam! woooooo! cannot wait for it to end, but then there is the big long wait for the results.
and finally prom, which i don't know if i'm excited about or not. but i've got everything now and greg has bought champagne, so i'm going :P

two weeks until my birthday, unsure on what to do if anything, any ideas?
then it's my aunties wedding!!!! so excited (more excited for the party afterwards)
then blissful summer holidays, which i plan to spend hanging around with people i don't usually do :)
and bournemouth, going to learn how to surf, joys...
the ending summer with a tent party :D
i'm feeling happier already.

Ruby xx

transformers :D

most excellent film! total must see
today has been gooooood

last exam on wednesday, joys joys joys!! really can't wait for it to be over
then it is prom, i'm a little excited, i think, i just want this fall out thing to be sorted, but i've apologised what else can i do?

i want a giraffe :D
anyhoo i'm off for a shower
Ruby xx

one exam left

lovely! :)

after my exam went to morroways with my nan and i bought bagels, cream cheese, normal cheese, popcorn, cocktail sausages, coke, a chocolate bar, Role Models and Pineapple Express :D
came home and watched Roles Models and Pineapple Express, eating the popcorn and cocktail sausages with my brother :)

i dislike my brother sometimes.

Ruby xx

headaches

keep getting them, silly lack of sleep and stress.

bought the final items to complete my prom outfit, finally. i put it all on when i got home, looks good :)
i want some candy floss big time.

anyway, this is short and pointless
Ruby xx

i want to go to the cinema

i bought some stuff today (well my nan did)

One black short dress, top half a black and white stripe tee, then prom esque dress over with pleats on the skirt bit, i'd show you a picture but i can't find any :(

Then a black blazer :

And some black patent heels for prom and my aunties wedding:

not the exact shoes, but they look like that basically.

so happy days :)

Ruby xx

hi, my name is ruby and i'm fucked up.

no matter how hard i try to do what i think is the right thing, i always screw up don't i?
i'm such a classic Hart, a lot more like my dad than i thought i was, god bless genetics.

so, an apology (the person knows who it is for)
I'm Sorry, i thought i was doing the right thing, not telling you meant not hurting you, but i was wrong. i'll do anything to make it better, anything you want, i can't lose you too you mean too much to me. there is another reason i don't know whether telling you will be good, but you want honesty, i'm not going to say it on here though. we need to talk, please.

Ruby xx

ah things seem better

not sure whether i'm doing the right thing though, but at least i've been honest and now he knows. i've missed him, i really bloody have.
so all remains to be seen whether that works out...

i just had a cornetto, nice (Y)

alan carr chatty man tonight, WOOOO! i love alan carr. i've really been enjoying comedy at the moment.

Ruby xx

i caved

damn
but then maybe it's good?
fuck
oh just be honest
what am i doing?
fuck

another boring day

i didn't do much, again.

my mum actually hugged me today :S, she said she was worried because i don't seem to go out that much anymore, she's weird.

i did all the ironing today, despite the pain. mum got in and asked if nan had been round, and i said no i had done it all and she wouldn't believe me until my brother told her that i had actually done it! it's like, y'know mum i can actually iron, jeez.

missing him and i know that i shouldn't, but god it's hard not to.

Ruby xx

i don't need no good advice, i'm already wasted

my brother is shouting at his play station, again.
when will he realise that it can't hear him?!

i'm really glad i decided to get rid of him, i've been feeling a lot better about it. sure i still think about him, but not nearly as much :)

really glad my friends have been there for me, even after i was a complete bitch to some of them, so LOVE to all of them.

dinner :D:D:D
Ruby xx

will you keep me in mind?

You Me At Six, legends!

i have no money, at all, yet i still have to pay for the limo and jewellery, my dad had better send the money or i'm going to get really pissed off.
need a job, but maybe i should turn 16 first.

i'm really really hungry

this is a pointless post to say the least
hope everyone is good

Ruby xx

oh dear

Toby has arthritis :(
he's been given pain killers, and has to have gentle exercise and has to go back to the vets next week.
I hope it helps him!

anyway, i've finally made my decisions on both the things i mentioned earlier. so feeling better about knowing what to do.

Short post :)
Ruby xx

random midday post

i think i should learn to sleep, or at least invest in a pair of dark cutains that keep the sun out.
woke up with a cut on my neck, proof that last nights sleep was troubled. i hate that, when i have a crap nights sleep, i wake up with cuts from where i've been scratching myself :/

read Zoo Sation this monring, excellent book, recommended for anyway who is interested in before the start of the Second World War, when the Nazis were first putting in the rules against Jews. It's about a english journalist (living and working in Berlin), John Russel, and what he does during those time. actually quite exciting.

also read The Luminous Life of Lilly Aphrodite yesterday morning, another great read. And i also recommend it, based in Berlin again. Lilly is an orphan, it's about her growing up, in the same times as Zoo Station, she becomes an actress, it's really interesting!

i'm not very good at book reviews :P

not doing much today, mums making lunch, might clean my room later, got to take Toby (my elder dog) to the vet at four. Something is not right with him, he walks around with his head down low, it takes him at least 3 minutes to get up the stairs, he takes a while to get up curbs and sit down. And, to anyone who has seen Toby off his lead on a walk, he doesn't run around anymore, infact he just plods along really slowly, eating grass. I am worried about him, we've not had them that long, but i cannot imagine life without them, they really are full of character, Toby with his duck feet, lack of teeth and major love for food, and little Lucy who has random fits of hyperness which involves her running around, throwing her biscuits and running after them, and her excellent meercat impression. sigh, i hope everything is alright.

Ruby xx

good/bad day

unsure on how to feel.

well (i'll just refer to her as a letter) T forgave me, but said we won't be friends like we used to. i know this sounds horrid but for gods sakes, it was all done subconsciously!, she knows what i'm like, but yeh i should have paid more attention to what i was doing. but because of some stupid comments she has now thrown away what could've been a really good relationship.

talking to D we spoke about stuff, but now i'm left in a tizz, do i want a relationship? or right now do i just need a friend? i hate not knowing what to do. but he really did cheer me up, when we spoke about H (aha all these letters for different people) and i finally realised that H is a complete, sorry for the language, cunt. and we had a bitch about him and i felt a bit better.

then D went, and H started talking to me, we've spoken a bit but i just couldn't be arsed to talk to him, shall i just wipe him from everything (msn, facebook, mobile, mind)? what do you think?

anyhoo, i found a really nice jumper i'm actually going to buy! shocker.
have to buy lots of prom stuff too, not sure i even want to go.
birthday soon, fucking wonderful.

Ruby xx

can't stop this feeling

FUCK.
why can't i just get into a normal relationship where i'm not the dirty secret, or where i don't get totally mashed and snog a guy that i'm not even attracted to?
uuuuugh, screw boys and screw friends who just want to create a drama.
and another thing he told me i was incredible, beautiful, sexy, intelligent etc. and y'know, for once in my life i was starting to believe it. i told him all about me, i really let him in, i told him how i didn't want to get close to him because i know he'd just leave, but he told me he wouldn't that i was too amazing to be given up on. he promised me that we'd know each other forever that we'd live together, that we would BE together.
and now? we don't talk, he always you used to talk to me, now i have to start it off, and even when i do, he doesn't really talk. why? why? and why?
jesus christ i think i've had my heart broken twice in the space of, what? 4 months.
Fuck It.

really exhausted

it may sound like an exaggeration, but i can assure you it isn't. i have had about 20 hours of sleep this week, i feel awful.

went to order are faimly photo thing today, picked two really nice photos :) cost a bomb though! and the guy was so annoying, and he sounded a lot like Gok Wan.
we went to nans afterwards and had a fry up, then mum told me we'll go home so i could put my pjs on and get into bed, i love my mum :)
so i've spent the day curled up in bed, listening to the radio and playing Sims Appartment Life like the cool kid i am :P
going to make dinner in a bit, then i might start a new book, either Zoo Station which is about life during the Second World War, or i could start The Luminous Life of Lilly Aphrodit which is about the life of Lilly Nelly Aprodite, orphaned daughter of a cabaret dancer. both sound good

big clear out of my room tomorrow and graphics revision, the joys.

Ruby xx

i know it's early

RE exam today, really dreading it. i need to do well in it.

someone give me lots of money, pretty please.
i want to buy the sims 3, which looks AWESOME!

right well i am tired, but RE revision is calling...

Ruby xx

exhausted

exams today weren't too bad, RE tomorrow.

just so tired with it all, can't wait for summer.
stir-fry for dinner tonight :D happy days, bought a new top today too :)

got to buy prom jewellery and shoes, looked a bit today and found a really nice ring and some really nice earrings but can't find any nice black patent shoes though, they all look like stripper shoes.

so kiddos it's my birthday in about a month, another year of dissapointment.
to get my own back i'm not wishing my dad a happy fathers day, cause frankly he doesn't deserve it.

Ruby xx

bad day

2 hour history exam, failed.
35 minutes french listening exam foundation tier, failed.
1 hour french reading exam higher tier, failed.
so all in all, a very crap day.

Kind of happy about tomorrow because it's the english exam, and i'm ok at them, and i'm not too bad at the science exam.

cannot stop thinking about him, really wish i could stop feeling like this.

*sigh*
Ruby xx

last of the sunshine,

apparntly, tomorrow will be 'sunny intervals' and thursday will be totally cloudy :(
but i guess it's ok seeing as i'm in school, pretty much, all day on those days.

english exam today was ok, although paper 1 is my worst one, i just can never do it!!
dreading tomorrow, history for 2 hours, then i have two french exams each an hour long :/

but today was very nice, again, spent the afternoon with the best friend in the sun again, and just chatted loads and met up with a lot of people :)

so i'm having a BBQ for dinner avec beer, so it'll be nice to chill out a bit before tomorrow.

anyway, love to all :)
Ruby xx

no more maths!!

ah today is a happy day for all :)
first of all, no more maths, thank the lord!!!
second, i spent the afternoon sun soaking with my best friend and we had a really good catch up.
and i finally know what i've got to do about HIM, it might take a while for the plan to be able to take place, but i'm just gonna do it i've got nothing to loose, right?
well whatever i'm just going to do it. because then i'll know, i think, my mind is all over the place, silly boys.

anyhoo, 2nd post :)
Ruby xx